Has a Couple Argued in Front of You?

Friday night I'm out with a group of friends (four single ladies, two single men and one couple.) I usually don't like hanging with couples. They tend to get lost into their own world but since it is the holiday season, I broke down and agreed.

As I sipped my very tasty dry martini savoring the delightful burn of the vodka, I overhear something that friends should never hear; the couple bickering. 

My good time comes to a screeching halt. Can you say Awkward! This has to be one of the most uncomfortable situations to be subjected to witness. The worst part about it was -- my girlfriend was the aggressor.

At first I ignore their disagreement hoping it was going to end as abruptly as it began. It did not -- it escalated and everyone else at the table became aware of it. We all were uncomfortable because she was insulting and disrespectful.

We watched in horror while she berated this man in front of us, while he tried to calm her down. He was respectful to her and I wondered to myself how could this man put up with this type of behavior?

I was amazed by my girlfriend's actions. If you see a man bullying a woman, someone will come to her rescue. Women are viewed as the weaker sex and in need of protection.

But if the bully is a woman, why is the man left on his own?

 

After the couple left, I asked that question. My female friends collectively agreed that he probably did something to deserve it. Saying, in relationship you have to take the thorns with the roses. I think I rather be single if the thorns are disrespect.

They also felt she must have had a bad day. What! Having a bad day doesn’t give you the right to disrespect someone in front of others.

The men immediately chimed in, “It’s his own fault, she’s crazy and he needs to learn how to handle his woman.” Handle his woman… what a concept. Is that possible? Do men really think they can handle women?

I soon realized that blaming the victim became a blatant theme. I was approached by a random woman in the ladies room. “What did that guy do?” she asked, waiting to hear some sorted details of deception. 

Despite their obvious differences in their assessment of the situation, both the women and the men blamed him… the victim. Why does society blame the victim?

Sociologists suggest that “blame the victim” mentality is often built into the fabric of a community. Those with this belief tend to think that when bad things happen to people, it is because these individuals are bad people or have done something to deserve their misfortune.

Disrespect from whoever is intolerable. You shouldn’t accept it, especially from someone that claims to care about you. The reality is… the first time someone steps over the line with you. They don’t know how you will react. So if you don’t react the first time -- it makes it so much easier for them to cross that line again.

You must express your feelings and make it clear that you will not tolerate their disrespectful behavior. You have to explain, if it continues you no longer will be in a relationship. Then you have to stick to your words because if you don’t, you’ll find yourself in a very dysfunctional relationship.