Are you married?
I know..this seems like a question that you shouldn't have to ask. But sadly these days, it is the most necessary question to pose anyone that you consider dating. I have learned the hard way not to assume a married person will share their martial status with you openly. It sometimes ends up being a don't ask don't tell sort of thing.Several years ago I met a guy (let's call him Gary) while at a mutual friend's birthday party. We danced and laugh all night and really had a good time. We connected.. and you know that is something special when it happens. Gary asked for my number and I gave it to him. The next day I called my friend and mentioned that I really had fun with Gary and I was looking forward to go out with him. My friend mentioned that she thought she heard he was engaged.
Later that day, Gary called. I asked him if he was engaged. He said emphatically "No, I was once". I was happy to hear his answer and we made plans to meet for dinner that Friday. Friday night came and he took me to a fabulous restaurant. We learned that we had a lot in common and even knew a lot of people in common as well. The following week I was out with some friends and strangely his name came up because they all worked in the same industry. One of the ladies made a comment about his policewoman wife. I was stunned by the news and could only remained silent.
About midweek, Gary called and immediately tried to secure a date for Friday. I interrupted and asked him if he was married. He didn't hesitate a bit and quickly replied "Yes" and kept talking about Friday night. I interrupted again and said, "I asked if you were engaged. Why didn't you tell me you were married? Why did you feel you had to lie?" He responded, "I was honest. I was engaged once. You didn't ask if I was married."
I believe the term for this practice is splitting hairs. Needless to say, we never went out again. Luckily we only had a couple of dates and nothing ever really developed but clearly he wasn't going to be forthcoming.
Since then, I have been on high alert to detect married men. I have found there are a lot of married men in the dating pool. A couple of weeks ago, I watched a man remove his wedding ring just before walking over to talk me. The other day a man approach me wearing a wedding band. I asked him "Are you married?" He revealed "Yes, but you didn't ask me if I'm happy." Wow really?
But surprisingly enough, I have more respect for that guy because he is NOT trying to play the I'm single card. Any women that chooses to deal with him knows ahead of time what she's getting herself into. I'm not here to judge and I know there are many women that will date married men. But for me, it's not my thing and because of that; of course they flock to me.
